Wednesday, June 17, 2009

Daily Letter To The People Reading My Email, June 17th, 2009

There might be someone reading my emails. And then again, there might not be. You never know, right? So I decided to write up a daily letter to the person (or persons) who may or may not be reading my shit.

June 17th, 2009

Dear Asshole;


You can say hello back. Like, out loud, in the room, wherever you are.
Please don't reply via email. Or use my email. Or find me and scare me
in person.

So you're reading my email, huh? That's crazy! I thought my password
was really hard to figure out. But what do I know?! Feel free to have
a nice belly laugh here.

I know, I know... I'm being presumptuous that you even figured out my
password. In all likelihood you didn't figure it out--you used a key
logger or hacked Gmail or maybe it was that time I fell for that email
worm. Or maybe you work for Google and you're abusing your power.
Don't answer that--that'd spoil the mystery.

I actually enjoy the fact you're here. Makes me feel less lonely when
I trudge through my inbox every day. When I send off those "risky"
emails that actually ASK someone for something, a bit of that
insecurity that floods my head is flushed away because I know you're
there, your watchful eye keeping me safe. Maybe?

What's your favorite email exchange I've ever had? Don't answer that
one out loud. Just let it stew in your head, like it always has been.

Anyways, I have to roll... I'm seeing a show tonight (Kevin Smith at
Carnagie Hall, but you know that already! You're so smart) and I have
quite a bit of work I have to do. It'd be nice if, for once, you
actually contributed around here. You know, did some blogging for me,
did some writing, whatever.

No, no, don't send me an email asking what you can do for me. I was
just kidding (sort of). I like our relationship. Like any good
platonic friendship, it's defined by boundaries. You are the stalkER.
I am the stalkEE.

So take care!

And expect an update tomorrow!


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