Really Hot Train Conductors

Every once in a while, I'll be riding on the Long Island Railroad (the LIRR or lurrrrr) and, when I hear the "click clack" of a conductor's hole puncher further down the train car and I look up, I will see a really, really hot chick. I'd say one out of a hundred conductors is a hot chick, actually. 80 of those 100 are fat dudes and the rest of are either ugly chicks or dudes with whom I have no opinion but, were I gay, I'd say were hot.

It's always a shock to the system, that hot chick conductor. You're expecting to see a sweaty mound of a man packed tightly into his standard issue navy blue slacks and powder blue shirt, his fat folds spilling over and around the brim of his standard issue LIRR (lurrrr) hat and, instead, you see a tight bodied 20-something (usually Italian or Jewish) hottie whose slender frame is barely filling up her draped uniform.

I'm not one to do many double takes (yes I am), but when I see a hot conductor, I do a double take (of course you do... you're constantly double taking).

It's sort of like when you think the can of soda sitting on a table is completely full and then when you reach down to pick it up with full force, it's completely empty. Except, with boners.

Breaded, Deep Fried Bacon

Sounds fucking awful. Bacon needs room to breathe! This is unnatural. This is...ungodly.

You sick, sick fucks.

First Thing's First

I'm sitting on the steps of the 34th street post office, writing on my blog. Myyyy bloggggg.

Whack, right?

Whatever.

I've kept up, posted, worked for and wrote for various blogs (and still am writing and working on several), but I've never kept up a personal, journal style site before.

This, right here, is the first. Hopefully it'll be the last. I don't need an excuse to write this (fuck you, TI said I can do whatever I like) but I have one. I live in New York. A lot of fun, funny, interesting and/or weird shit happens to me on a daily basis. I try to tell all my friends about the various weird things I see (or, let's be real, do).

That's a lot of effort. Instead, I'm gonna post that shit here.

The End

PS Obama